question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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