I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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