I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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