Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
