Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
