well I can't set my house on fire every night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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