one two three fourrrrnication!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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