hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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