I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
