I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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