OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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