i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
