So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
