dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
