Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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