Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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