Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
