The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
