the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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