i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
