Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
