he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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