I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
