not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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