I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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