just come out here and I will go home with you...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
