it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
