doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
