you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
