Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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