his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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