This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
