Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
