The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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