so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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