Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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