Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
