I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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