he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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