I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
