can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
