The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
