Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
