Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
