You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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