I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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