im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
