I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
