Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
