Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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