god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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