i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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