he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
