TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
