I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize