you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
