Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
