come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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