Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
