he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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