oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
