I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
