I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
