My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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