Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
