omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that's an acceptable place to lick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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