Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
